Friday, September 25, 2009

Physical Touch - more than just sex!

This is the last post in my series about the five love languages based on Dr Gary Chapman's book. If the theme interests you, make sure you read all 6 posts.

The 5th love language: Physical Touch

Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship.

Many people initially think their love language is Physical Touch. The reason is because they enjoy love making. The fact is that most of us do. But not all of us has Physical Touch as our primary love language. People who speak and hear this language primarily actually feel loved when their partner sits close to them while watching a movie, holds hands on a long walk, or kisses them. They enjoy any form of physical contact as well as sex. To them love making is more than just receiving or giving pleasure, it's the way they give and receive love. If their partner withholds physical contact, they will feel unloved and rejected.

When a "Physical Touch person" is going through a crisis they will more than anything need physical touch from their partner. They would much rather have you hold them and be silent, than offer them advice or encouragement.

It is important to remember that even though sex makes many mates feel secure and loved in a marriage, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is important to discover how your partner not only physically responds but also psychologically responds to these touches. Some touches are irritating and uncomfortable for your mate. Take the time to learn the touches your mate likes. They can be big acts, such as back massages or lovemaking, or little acts such as touches on the cheek or a hand on the shoulder. It’s important to learn how your mate responds to touch. That is how you will make the most of this love language.

Understanding the languages of love, and which one one's partner speaks and hears most, is vital to healthy communication.

While two partners will likely have two different primary love languages, it is very easy for people to express love when they understand their partner. Those who prefer serving others can very easily give compliments, gifts, time, or affection to their spouses. Sometimes, the best way to know how to do this most effectively is to ask one's partner, "what can I do for you everyday that will make you feel special?"


Karen & Gerard Zemek said...

I read this book and also attended a seminar at a couples retreat where they talked about it. My primary love language is touch and my husband's is quality time. It's a good book, but sort of hard to pick a primary one. I like them all!

Congrats on your SITS day!

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