Sunday, July 19, 2009

Biker Chick- my date with Mr Harely



Yesterday I spotted a beautiful black and silver Harley. It looked very powerful and sexy and it brought back some crazy memories...

I have only ridden on a Harley once.

It was the summer of 89. I was 19 and on vacation in Spain.
Very young and kind of infatuated with this incredibly handsome (I thought so... must have been intoxicated) Spanish man that drove a Harley and always looked like he was bored. Actually, I don't remember his name... weird, must have blocked it out!

So finally one day he asked me for a date. *swoon*
I happily agreed and got ready for the big night. I wore a black corset top and a black maxi skirt and tons of necklaces and bracelets... (I know, sad Madonna copy! I think I even had a rhinestone cross...)

Squidoo.com

Yep, wore all of the above!
Did I mention I wore a black maxi skirt?

Something like this...

Eagerly I met him on the beach walk (Paseo Marítimo). Hey, I had forgotten all about the Harley! Now he gestured for me to get on. Get on a Harley! I didn't even know how to do that. So with very little grace and much awkwardness I climbed on and placed my hands around his waist. Mmmm... kind of nice. He slowly road along the beach walk and I felt like such a cool babe passing all the restaurants on the way. I even saw a couple of familiar faces looking at me with envy. Me, the biker chick!

Photobucket.com

Then we hit a crossing road and he started accelerating a little more... still kind of fun and exciting. The wind was blowing my hair (helmets are for sissies...right) and I grabbed on a little harder. Then he suddenly turned left and we hit the highway... OH, MY GOD! In about 2 seconds he was doing 160 km (100 miles) an hour and I could barely hold on to his waist. My hair was now almost being pulled off, my contact lenses dried up in about 10 seconds and I could hardly breath. Now, blind and without the ability to scream, I started PRAYING: "Pleeeease don't let me die! Pleeeease don't let me die! Goooood! Pleeeease don't let me die! Pleeeeease!" I could see myself lying in a pool of blood and crumbled up steel in a ditch somewhere. I have never been so scared my whole life! So I just kept on praying, trying to get this IDIOT to slow down. But I didn't dare to move my hands and he didn't hear my faint gasps for help, so he just kept going.


Live to ride? Yeah, right! Ride and DIE you mean!

Then something happened... the motor seemed to make little weird noises and you could feel it run uneven. NOW he started getting worried. He slowed down and pulled off the highway and started to slowly drive down some small city streets. I was regaining my voice by this time and my sanity, just thanking God that I was still alive. My date was muttering angrily about something being wrong with his bike. Every time he tried to accelerate the motor would start coughing! Very slowly he drove back to the Beach Walk and stopped in front of the restaurant where we were eating. Finally, I had survived! Thank you GOD!

As he got of the bike I could see the worry and frustration on his face as he was plundering about what was wrong. With little affection he reached his hand out to help me off the bike and as I lifted my behind to get off I felt a strange pull... What? I couldn't really get off the bike! As I looked down (simultaneously as my date) I saw to my horror that my black maxi skirt had been SUCKED into the exhaust pipes! And being of a nice synthetic material my skirt had melted and gotten stuck to that hot steel... YIKES!


My no longer so handsome date (his eyeballs almost falling out of the sockets) started cursing (in spanish ... I knew enough to blush) and yelling. He started tugging at the skirt to get it out of the exhaust pipes and my skirt had an elastic waistband! So as he was pulling frantically I felt my whole skirt being pulled off my but and exposing my underwear. I grabbed hold of the waist of the skirt and tried to pull it back up. He kept pulling it down. At the same time I was trying to keep my balance on the huge Harley. Now this would have been a horrible experience if it happened outside your house, I was on the BEACH WALK! Hundreds of people passing by! And within seconds a huge crowd of people started gathering watching this funny tug of war. I was MORTIFIED!

Finally, with a ripping sound, I could feel my skirt escape from the iron grip of the Harley. The people around us actually started to applaud! I managed to wiggle down from the huge black monster with no help whatsover from "Mr Charming". It was a sad sight! Since my skirt had actually melted, I had big holes around on both sides going all the way up to my thighs! Now with a crowd watching I tried to brush of my total humiliation and give a little shallow laugh. The brainless thug looked at me with a sort of mixture of disgust and fear (is she totally nuts?) and said: "Guess dinner is off, huh?" With a sort of shrug and gesturing to my skirt he obviously thought that I was going to run home and hide, but NO - it was payback time! "OH, I'm fine" I answered again with that crazy little laugh. "This is just the latest fashion", I said and pointed to my skirt. "I'm hungry!" I straightened my back, pulled myself together, tried to brush back my hair and put up a fake smile. I'm in awe that I actually did this - what a cool chic!
But totally out of my mind of course! What was I thinking!

Mr NOT SO HOT couldn't believe his ears, he now figured he was on a date with a total lunatic. Hello, I just wrecked his beloved bike. He was fuming and probably wanted to slap me. But there were so many people watching he just nodded and went sort of shelled shocked into the restaurant. I came stumbling in about five steps behind him. And I actually had a 3 course meal, with wine. I have no idea what I ate, or what we talked about. We probably didn't... It was totally PAINFUL! It was like pulling teeth whit a plumbing wrench. Still, for some strange reason I needed that closure. So when I finished the meal I got up (leaving him with the check), smiled again (incredible, should have become an actress!) and gave that podgy weak-chinned thin-haired eye-protruding STUPID dumbass (sorry!) a wave. I think I said something in the line of : "See you around!"

Didn't go on a second date and never rode a Harley EVER again!

Had to borrow this one from thefrisky.com

Now, I actually managed to go through another skirt-melting experience equally embarrassing a few years later. (I must be the only girl in the world!) Would you like to read about it?


31 comments:

Stacey said...

Thats what he gets for trying to kill you!

I can't believe you still went and ate! That was priceless!

Say Anything Notes said...

Thanks for stopping by Say Anything Notes! I hope you have a great weekend to...without any melting skirts!!! Oh dear..what a night...you deserved dinner, is what I say! :) Thanks Again, Sarah Elizabeth.

~Kristen~ said...

OMG that is awesome!!! Well, not the melting to the bike part but making him sit thru that dinner and leaving him to pay for it!!! Tremendous!!!

caren said...

Oh yes, I want to hear all about it. I am so proud of you - that took balls (excuse me)! I had a boyfriend once that had a bike - I burnt my leg on the exhaust pipe (still have a round scar). I couldn't tell my mom and dad about it since I wasn't allowed on the bike (yeah, sure). So, I had to suffer in silence - probably should have gone to the ER. What we don't do for love and not to get in trouble.

Just think- you made a fantastic fashion statement. I'm glad you agree with me about the girl in the shoe store. I SO know the type.

Rose said...

oh my! That was too funny! What an idiot. guys and their bikes...sheesh!

starrlife said...

Oh my gosh! What a tale! Lucky, worse could've happened... he could've been stuck on the highway or a deserted back road!I suggest sticking to cotton- non-meltable fabric!But handled with some grace, lol.

Holly Noelle @ Domestic Dork said...

I'm glad you still made him buy you dinner. A gentlemen would have either a: warned you of appropriate bike attire or b: been gracious and apologetic for ruining your skirt b/c he didn't do A.

bigmamacass said...

Yes!! Oh my goodness, I was laughing so hard thru this blog I had tears!! lol

CIELO said...

Hi... thanks for stopping by the house in the roses.... did you say you leave in Spain???? Where at???? Nice meeting you.

cielo

Brandi said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! :)
I love the pic at the top of your page. Yummy!

Samsmama said...

I adore that you went ahead with dinner! You certainly earned it. I love being on the back of my husband's bike (just got back from a 5 hour outing) but he's not allowed to go over 50MPH.

You melted a second skirt? Do tell.

*sits here and waits*

Samsmama said...

Your comments on my blog are cracking me up! I'm already following you over here, goofball! That's how I found your celebrity homes blog. :)

Mimi said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog.

This story was fantastic. I'm so proud of 19 year old you for making him follow through with dinner!

Amy said...

This was a wonderful post. A skirt really did that. I dated a guy on those fast bikes and we went 100 and something. I had a helmet on and pants. But it was still scary. My Papa (grandfather) use to have a harely and we use to go every where on that thing. It was okay but scary at times. Thanks for stopping by...

Dee said...

I know exactly (well not exactly) how you feel.I had the motor cycle experience on the highway once and they must fly mustn't they?

Anyway the dinner part was just the best.

Thanks for visiting my blog.

3 Bay B Chicks said...

I loved how the descriptors for your once dream boat progressively worsened as this post wore on. Rightly so! So glad that the two of you never made it to the second date. Loser!

Oh, and I must tell you that I just spent a ton of time checking out your Sweet Homes site. What fun! Who doesn't like to check out celebrity digs? Brilliant idea.

-Francesca

Lisa Petrarca said...

LOL! Love that you made that jerk still pay for dinner! Your exit was classic...wouldn't ya just love to read about him telling this same story. (There was this girl who ruined my bike & then made me take her to dinner, the nerve!) Hahahaha!

Good for you!

Margie said...

I loved the story, laughed out loud and could feel your pain, well done on keeping your dignity. I too had a melting experience on my cousins bike when I was 17, my boot melted on the exhaust pipe while on the way to the cinema. I would love to read the other skirt melting story too. Margie.

4 Lettre Words said...

Goodness...that is a GREAT story!

The only time I've ridden a Harley, I burned my leg. My skirt was too short! :o)

P.S. Thank you so much for visiting my blog. Please come back again!

Helen McGinn said...

You go, Harley Girl! xx

Christina Lee said...

hahaha great story!!!

Michelle said...

What a great story teller you are. You had me on the edge of my seat the entire time!

Thanks for stoping by my blog on Saturday and saying hi.

mrs shortcake said...

Wow. I'm giving you the slow clap here - way to keep your cool! ;)

Melissa B. said...

Ah, the fountain of youth sometimes drowns us. Funny post!

La Belle Mere UK said...

Wow, I thought some of my dates were bad but that one will go down in history!!!

Ha - I like your style though!

Bec x

Teresa said...

That was stinking hilarious AK!!! Thanks for the good laugh!!

blueviolet said...

Best story! It was an accident. He didn't have to act like such a jerk!

American in Norway said...

Sooo funny... Glad you can laugh about it now... Loved the story!

Janet Green said...

I stumbled in here via my Google alerts and have to say, I don't think I've ever heard a funnier biker chick story! The fact that you insisted on going forward with dinner is just classic - I'll bet that all these years later, Mr. Spanish Harley still tells the story too AND is sorry he let the feisty Madonna look-alike with the crazy skirt get away! :) Great story, thanks for sharing it!

Unknown Mami said...

You are my hero! I can't believe you actually made it through dinner. You are awesome that guy is not.

I don't think you should wear maxi skirts anymore. They seem to cause you more trouble than they are worth.

Peterson Family said...

Oh my goodness, you have a great story there! I have been on some bad dates before but none where my clothes were melted!

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