Walking the Red Carpet

Do you remember the beginning of Notting Hill when you see Julia Roberts walk down the red carpet, looking absolutely gorgeous,while a meteor shower of flashes go off lighting up her face and that smile? (To the sound of "She" by Elvis Costello of course.) I love that beginning...

I'm always a little bit fascinated by watching stars on the red carpet. They look so glamorous and put together - like they have the world on a string and are sitting on a rainbow (to quote "ol' blue-eyes."...) With their confident smiles (always very white) and designer clothes they know exactly how to pose to make their booty look small and their bust look perky! (Not the men of course... they just have to "suck it in".)

While they strut along the carpet with someone beautiful (but not too beautiful - this is not the time to be outshone) on their arm I cannot help but wonder HOW they feel...

Do they fill thrilled and excited? Do they feel drop-dead-gorgeous and adored? (Do you Julia?) Are they worried about their heels getting caught up in their dress or having left overs from dinner (at the Ivy) stuck between their teeth? Are they anxious about loosing that 2 million dollar bracelet they borrowed from Bvlgari or are they thinking of ways to nick it? (I really don't know what happened... I went to the bathroom and put on some makeup...wait, I think I saw Wynona Ryder right next to me!)

Do they worry that the others have better dresses or even worse: the same dress (yikes!)? (Never happens to Cher I bet! Or Ellen DeGeneres....) Are they having second thoughts about that pink tutu, or the swan wrapped around their neck (Hello Bjørk! What were you thinking?) Or maybe they are concentrating very hard on NOT breathing so that the pearl buttons on their corset-top don't come flying off like bullets giving Joan Rivers a black eye (another excuse for a little medical fixer-upper...) Bet that would be a sure way to get slaughtered by Joan and her charming daughter Melissa on Entertainment tonight!

Are they trying to suppress the look of utter shock that Victoria has lost another 10 pounds or that their former boyfriend is there with Ashley Tisdale (Who is she anyway?) Maybe they think about how much those 2000 dollar Louboutins HURT (Why are all expensive shoes SO excruciating? Is that some kind of rule.. the higher the price, the harder the sacrifice?)

Do they manage to hide the look of surprise when they see that their seat is WAY behind Jessica Simpson's? Maybe they frown a little about the huge crush they had on Mickey Rourke in the 80s having watched 9 and 1/2 weeks ten times? (Look at him now ladies! Not everything gets better with age... Sorry, Joan, that's just the facts of life!)

Are they thinking about how Tom Cruise really is quite short or that Oprah must have gained a few? Are they worried about their three kids at home with the two nannies that only speak thai and mandarin? Or are they secretly calculating the next house payment on their new Bel Air mansion? Do they feel jealous that their husband is casting a second glance at Nathalie Portman (who can blame him..) or excited that Johnny Depp whispered something in french right into their ear (Probably "move over fat cow", but everything sounds sexy in french...)

Next time you watch the Oscars, watch the stars and imagine what they are REALLY thinking an feeling... It makes the show so much more enjoyable!

As for me... I don't know if I'll ever walk the Red Carpet. But I did walk through an underground parking lot in Marbella the other night. I looked down and saw that right through the grey concrete there was a wide red line (just like a carpet). As I was about to walk over to our Masarati (No, just kidding... Opel Zafira... with bumps) I realized that it looked like I was actually walking the red carpet. I grabbed my iphone, got ready to take a picture... and suddently a car backed out with it's bright lights casting a magic beam over my feet! It looked like spotlights and I got the perfect shot!

So here are my feet on the red carpet bathed in the lights of a fancy car ... what I was feeling? Can't remember! Probably that I had to get out of the way before that fancy car hit me right in my booty...